Whose daughter I am, makes me who I am

Sometimes when I fall sick, sometimes when I have quarrel with my husband, sometimes when my kids fall sick, sometimes when I look back at those successful past of mine, sometimes when I think of my childhood dreams, and all the time I lose my hope, I think of whose daughter I am and I get up with hope.

I was brought up by a single parent, my father passed away when I was 2 and half years old. But this never affected me in anyway. "God gives burdens and also shoulders". I was pampered by my grandfather and grandmother throughout my life, if I should tell it right, throughout their life. Thank God, they are still healthily alive at their age of 80+ and 75+ respectively. Still, the decision maker and financial responsibility is carried over by my mom. Blessed with a second mom - my sister Rekha. She is my mom, mentor, fighter, friend, roomie, role model everything. 

When I was closely observing her, I realized her role model is my mom. She always stood as a bridge between my mom and I; So, I just communicate everything to my mom through my sister and the same from her end. No, It is not because, I was angry on my mom or anything like that. It all just happened in fast moving world. My mom goes to office in the morning and returns to home at night, I did not care anything to share with her, because I would have already shared my day with my sister. But my sister stayed close to mom and she shared a lot with my mom.

Now, after marriage, I think of my mom. She got married at the age of 19 and widowed at the age of 29. What would have made her to stand up in life? two little daughters who were just 7 and half and 2 and half? No, it is her guts to fight back with God to show him how strong she is! "God gives the hardest battle to his strongest soldier". #confidence

I think so, because, when I was two, my dad told my grandma that I may not shine in academics, even after many years, when I get good grades and merit scholarships, I place those certificates in front of his photograph and tell him that never judge me wrong. The scenario may not be of same consequence but the essence is "Giving up is not our cup of tea".  To me, my Dad is my God, that is how I have been told from childhood. "If the destination puts you down, rowing against God's flow of river is also a must in life", is the life's biggest lesson that I learnt from my mom.

She was only 9th grade qualified, she started her learning all again. With my grandfather's phenomenal support, she qualified 10th and got my dad's govt posting. Then she moved to different city with us. Our grandparents came along with us. My mom to retain her post, kept learning, passed other required Government exams, learnt typing and understood that the world is wide outside the home. #readytolearn #learning #modifying

All I seen as my mom's routine is to wake up, decorate the home entrance with a big rangoli, she takes almost 20-30 mins everyday to it. Then she prepares breakfast and lunch, pack lunch for herself and for us,  leaves the kitchen tidy, get ready fresh to office, prays to God, leaves home by 9.30 AM, catches a bus and goes to office. I was a lazy fellow and she combed my hair everyday till I finished my schooling but she never complained me about it.

After returning home, she used to refresh and watch few TV shows, eat dinner with us and sleep listening to our conversations. I never seen her complaining about anybody or anything. I never seen her taking sick leave. I never seen her doing things in hurry. I never seen her going out with dull face. I never seen my mom crying, till I get married. 

While women taking financial responsibility itself a great thing to be managed, my mom managed to handle people and situations around her. Even in her busy life and financial restrictions she never failed to follow our customs and traditions. My mom did not restrict her family in a smaller circle with herself and her daughters, she enlarged with extended family and friends. My mom never missed any opportunity to help them. #community #kinship

There are times, relatives and friends surprised us with their uninformed visits, sometimes guests arrived exactly at the time she was ready to step out to office, but I seen my mom greeting them wholeheartedly and just getting back to kitchen to serve them breakfast. There was a time when my mom stayed back at hospital at night, returned home in the morning, get refreshed to office for almost a week to care the hospitalized relative, I never heard her saying this as her generosity, she actually not talked about it at all. I sometimes question her why does she need to take those responsibility, she simply says because doing a favor did not put her down in any way. #humanity

There was an incident when she was supposed to catch up a night train after returning from office, but received a death news of our migrated neighbor, however, I told her to ignore the news for now and to get ready for travel, she said, "few things can never be ignored, situations cannot be same after a while, and above all people are more important, understanding others is more important than expecting others to understand our situation". She joined the funerary ceremony, and then made her travel at eleventh hour. Even at the nick of time, I did not see that hurry in her face. Cool woman ever. #priority

She is living example for teaching the pros of cockroach theory.

There are times when some friends and relatives shown their other face and bean so mean, but that doesn't stopped her nature of being caring and sharing, because she believed "living well is the best revenge".

I never heard her describing any difficulties she endured. I don't know whether she got used to it or thought we won't understand it or purposely hidden to make us feel free. She always pretended that everything happens with God's grace, people around are always there to support and thus all is well. 

Now I have grown up, started crossing the roads she traveled, could sense her difficulties and when I asked her how could she managed to make it, I thought she could tell a mega serial, but she just briefed in a line that these are not at all difficulties, just a learning phase, grow up. #empathy

Being a working woman, our mom could have demanded us to do household chores, but she never did it. When needed, she simply ask us to do with no description. She is a great Manger indeed. She wants the things to get done and not how it gets done. My mom never sat next to us and taught us something to do. But all of a sudden, she gives responsibilities. After we do, she had shown some corrections and gave limited appreciations. She neither command nor emotional attack to get things done. But one thing, I like in her parenting is, she trusts more that we can do anything even without any practice. #pioneering

In the same way, she never stretched her hands to my academics or extra curricular unless I ask for help. To be honest, I never get permission from my mom for any competition, even if I need to participate out of city. She never restricted to spread my wings as well. #letgotogrow 

My Mom never believes on comfort zone, because herself experienced that life can turn upside down at anytime. Basically, not everything happens as planned, so we were brought up with so many surprise tests. She did not even plan for them, she simply ask us to go to our native by our own, go shopping to market when there was a need. It was her job that did not let her to accompany all the time, but she did not take that as a hurdle to lock us within the house. 

I never seen my mom getting excited at our achievements. When me and my sister bring appreciations from school and college, she had never shown much excitement, honestly saying, I did not know what could surprise her, because she always acted like these are very small things to us and we can do much more. yes, true that made us feel like anything we do are not harder and we are born blessed with achieving skills. 

My mother did not appreciate and equally she never complained at what we did not do. Unless it is about cleanliness, discipline and confidence, she never questioned us. She never expected us to be all rounder. Even when there were ups and downs in our marks, mom believed that marks were just numbers and skills to handle hurdles were important.

When I came home and told her there were bias in giving ranks, my mom want me to handle it, either accept it or go and fight for it. When I said, I was beaten up by my sir, she asked me to go and complain it to my principal and till I finish my studies, my mom never came to speak on behalf of us and that made me and my sister to stand up on our own.

These doesn’t mean we lived an independent life in our childhood, my mom never depended on us for any household chores. At the same time, made us not dependent on her for our growth. We both shined good in academics, won more prizes in literature, learnt riding cycle and scooter on our own, decided on my schooling, college, career and did research and done paper works for all these without depending on her. She trusted more on our choice and never questioned anything negatively for what we did. “what if it goes wrong?” is something that I never heard from her. #achievements #optimistic #trust

Now I know cooking, I know to take care of myself, I am a mom, but when I go to my mom's house, she treats me the same and does her routine and not expecting anything from me to do for her. She never forgot to even prepare  juice to me in spite of hurrying to office. She took milk to my bed when I go to bed. I wonder why can's she let me do things on my own now? She replied that it was happy to her that I know cooking but not necessary that I need to cook for her. She just wanted to live our life superior and not expected anything in return from us. 

There were times, I lost valuables like anklet and ear stud, I was much scared to confess this to my mom, but when she heard it, she said, "it happens, be careful with your belongings, and more careful with your health, because getting scared will spoil your health". We were not financially healthy to keep getting valuables, but my mom was concerned about my confidence level.

There was a time, I gave up on my ACCA studies for which she spent 50,000 INR, I was so ashamed to tell this to her, because I knew, she borrowed that money, but I couldn't make it along with my MBA. When she came to know, she said, "it is okay, when something stresses you and pulls out your energy, it is good to get rid of it; I know your capabilities, this degree is not going to tell anything new, so feel free and concentrate in your MBA". 

The more important is, she never ever uttered a word about any loss that I made to her, she always stood as a spectator when I win and supporter when I fall. Speaking something went wrong is futile to her, more over adding oil to a burning lamp is not her approach of teaching responsibility. It is not that she safeguarded me always but never tried to burden my wings.

When there are people looking only for abroad grooms, there are still people who wants their children to get married to their arm's reach. Even my mom was suggested not to agree for abroad proposal for me, but my mom agreed.

I never seen her offending or defending anyone while speaking and while giving their suggestions. she won’t even take up any argument, I doubt whether she has mood swings, all she do is to stay calm and her action speaks of her thoughts. Mom, I’m not smart to grasp this hack of peaceful life, sorry for it. But I promise to get it before my kids writing about me.

My mom always believe, there are good people all around the world and her prayers and my dad will always keep us safe. More over, she believes in her brought up that her children could survive strong irrespective of place and situation. She cultivated the same in us.

#responsibility #ownership She was solely responsible for our studies and wedding decision. When there are women, who still had no idea on what saree to choose, I am proud of my mom and every other single mom who takes responsibility for their children's life. Men sometimes takes financial responsibility and don't play any other role in Children's life.

Is it not a wonder when a single person creates checklist for wedding, doing financial arrangements, negotiating with catering, printing, decorating and every other party involved and organising things ready in wedding hall. Finally, standing as a back bone to a biggest event. Yes, I could proudly say it forever, If I were not born to my mom, my life could not be this peaceful.

The positive attitude of our mom and never getting influenced of other’s fear, made my sister to play a vital role in her husband's business and stay strong in any ups and downs and to balance life and career. With me, this strength of my mom made me to live independent in US with no known people around even during sickness, pregnancy, travel and to overcome any fear of loneliness. When My mom can, Why can't I? 

When I suddenly think. that I am doing some crap of cooking and cleaning all my days, I think of my mom, she does this at the age of 50 and going to office in city bus and not complaining anything; my sister, meeting auditor, lawyer and employees in different places everyday and still managing home and kids. Importantly both shares only better part of their life to all. Am I not blessed to grow with them? Is this not enough to understand, why I stay strong and ready for any challenge. I do slip, I even fall, but I get up for sure because I am a Queen's daughter.

 It is not her work -life balance that I admire at, but her perseverance, ease at work, showing no agitation at any situation, not getting exhausted with tedious work, not lamenting at financial troubles and other hardship and finally not taking credits for her astonishing achievements.

Actually, among our relatives, we were heard growing that Kutty's daughters are smart in everything they do, they are unique in their brought up and can cross any hurdles. Yes, me and my sister are acknowledged after our mom. They don't separate us, we both are identified together as "Kutty's children" and nothing proud than this tag.

I never seen her expressing anything so emotional like, I love you, live for you, I pray for you, my hopes are you, my dreams are you. I crossed oceans for u or miles for u. Blah blah blah...The life, she lives shows it all. She is our lodestar always.

Anybody whose mother is strong, positive to the world, faces challenges with ease and never believes in exhibiting emotions, importantly not lamenting are blessed and can cross miles with smiles. Because we are not taught how to live but shown how to live.

P.S. My mom name is Mohana and she was nick named as Kutty from her childhood.

This is the longest post, I had written, still feel like, I missed more to write.